confidence

PERFECT IMPERFECTIONS

Posted on by Nifemi

“Have no fear of perfection, you’ll never reach it” – Salvador Dali

Born into an imperfect world like mine I was quick to realize that being perfect requires supernatural strength.

Growing up amidst extended families, where everyone tells you what to do and how to live your life was so damn suffocating. There is a perfect plan for you and you have to live by the rules just because someone; an aunt or an uncle was trained the same way and now has a perfect life.

No one ever bother to ask what you really want or even ask something as simple as how you intend to spend your day. No one wants to know if you want the same life as that of your aunt or your uncle. There are always rules to abide with. Do this without being told why; don’t do this without being told the consequences. There’s no room for mistakes as making one means you’re weak. You have to be one thing & one thing only and that’s being PERFECT.

I was lucky to be academically sound and knowledgeable a bit because I can imagine the kind of life I would have had if I wasn’t. I can imagine the everyday insults and the tantrums. I can imagine me dreading every of my aunt’s visit because all she would do is reprimand and bring out every of my fault. Even now I laugh whenever I remember the numerous family meetings just because of a mistake I made or something I did. My happiest day was the day I gained admission into the university, my only joy being that I was leaving home.

Becoming a young adult I realized the people I looked up to as having a perfect planned life don’t have anything close to that at all. Instead their life seems to be in chaos but they covered it up nicely. They get to hide their weaknesses and failures while the known ones are socially acceptable by the family. It took me that long to see it but I was so disappointed when I finally did.

I realized there’s us, imperfect people, insufficient people, people with shattered dreams due to harsh situations and one or two decisions, like one of those decisions to follow your mind or what seems right at a cost.

And there’s us, the perfect people who get to hide their weakness & fears of failures. These are the people who, when they can’t hide their loss, they turn it into a battle won and everything is perfect again. They hate their facade being questioned and defending it is a matter of life and death

Often times we all strive too much to be that perfect person in every facet of our lives. We overdo things while trying to be perfect; that perfect worker, that perfect Christian, that perfect student, that perfect friend, that perfect family member and we forget it is okay to be imperfect.

It’s normal as humans to strive to be perfect but it’s also normal as humans to not be perfect. It is normal to make mistakes, to be weak and to have flaws. It’s normal to be ME and it’s normal to be YOU. Living a planned life is good and also is living life as it comes.

I hope you remember this when you’re being brought down by a “perfect person”.

If you enjoyed reading this please like, leave a comment and don’t forget to follow 🤗 xoxo!

FACADE

Posted on by Nifemi

“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.” -Wadsworth Longfellow

I once had a friend called Emmanuel. He was a very jovial and lively guy. Emma was one of the happiest people I know, he was always smiling and no one around him could have thought he was going through a hard time. Yeah he wasn’t financially buoyant but he seem contented with life or at least that was what we all thought until we heard he died.

I still remember how devastated I was the day I heard the news. Alas Emma has committed suicide. Wait what? Why would he do that? We all couldn’t believe our ears. He was happy, he had no serious problems, he wasn’t the suicidal type, were the thoughts running through our minds because the guy we knew as our friend had no reason to commit suicide.

It later dawn on us that all what Emma was showing were merely facade. He was dying on the inside while giving us the happy boy vibe on the outside. He never told anyone what he was going through, he kept storing them until he could no longer and then he exploded.

I felt really bad & I still kind of carry a guilt of not even noticing something was wrong with him. I’d tell myself if only I was a little bit closer to him, if only I took my time to see beyond all the facade, if only I had probe & gone beyond the walls he built around himself, then maybe just maybe he’d still be alive today. I wouldn’t have lost my friend, a man with so much potentials to the claws of death.

I realized that just like my friend Emma, everyone has got a silent battle they’re fighting, something they’re going through and some difficulty they’re experiencing. Many a time we show the world what we think they should see and not what we really are.

Most times, we don’t even realize we are falling into depression. We find ourselves not wanting to tell people what we truly feel thinking we can handle it all on our own. We plaster a smile on our faces while deep inside of us we are crying bitterly. It gets so bad that we master the act of telling people “I’m fine” while bottling so much inside.

True, telling people about what we are going through might not be the solution but talking about it helps to relieve the burden. Although not everyone can be our confidant, we should have someone we trust enough to share our problems with.

I hope we take a step to relieving part of our burdens after reading this. Don’t forget to like, follow, share and comment what you think about this article. See you in my next post😍 xoxo!